Gabby (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ladyoflorien) wrote2003-12-10 05:09 pm
ladyoflorien) wrote2003-12-10 05:09 pm
Oprah.
Okay, yes I cried. I did, I admit it. Even though my stupid family kept interrupting me and making fun of me and sending the nephews in to make noise and babble and saying "Geeze, I thought you were over them and were in love with that boy from LOTR now." Because they just don't get it. I never liked the Boys for their looks alone, I respected them as humans. I breathed their voices and lyrics like pure oxygen. They spoke in words that made my head swim and my heart race and without them I don't overexagerate when I say I'd be dead now. Dead.
I find it funny how after all the years, after all the time that's passed, I sat there 15 years old again, like nothing had ever changed. Years have built up on their faces, after all they're men now, not boys. Time has taken its toll on all of them, and myself included. But no matter how long it's been, no matter the year and ten months that they've been apart, the excruciatingly immense span of time it's been since they last crooned to me though microphone or TV set or stereo speaker, I am still 15 years old, and they are still the only things in my life that make sense at times. I would be so different now had they never sang to me for the very first time, those sweet simple words of "Even in my heart, I see, you're not being true to me..."
I am now chest high in a depression I've been fighting off for two days now. Maybe it was stupid of me to watch Opera today, to see the tears bristling in Kevin's eyes, to hear the crack of voices or the attempt at hiding their face until the camera moves and they can safely wipe their eyes. Maybe it was stupid of me to want to sit there for 45 minutes and not drop everything immediately to do my family's bidding. Whatever the matter, the heavy abusive words hanging over my head, the deep sadness in my heart, I think I'm going to go lock myself in my room now, listen to some Boys, and try to write my talk. Maybe then they'll all leave me alone, and I can think clearly and be happy with the simple fact that I saw something I haven't seen in months: AJ smile. And that means something to me, no matter how stupid you think I am, no matter what names you want to call me.
I can see that you've been crying
You can't hide it with a lie
What's the use in you denying
that what you have is wrong?
I've missed this song so much. *shudders*
I find it funny how after all the years, after all the time that's passed, I sat there 15 years old again, like nothing had ever changed. Years have built up on their faces, after all they're men now, not boys. Time has taken its toll on all of them, and myself included. But no matter how long it's been, no matter the year and ten months that they've been apart, the excruciatingly immense span of time it's been since they last crooned to me though microphone or TV set or stereo speaker, I am still 15 years old, and they are still the only things in my life that make sense at times. I would be so different now had they never sang to me for the very first time, those sweet simple words of "Even in my heart, I see, you're not being true to me..."
I am now chest high in a depression I've been fighting off for two days now. Maybe it was stupid of me to watch Opera today, to see the tears bristling in Kevin's eyes, to hear the crack of voices or the attempt at hiding their face until the camera moves and they can safely wipe their eyes. Maybe it was stupid of me to want to sit there for 45 minutes and not drop everything immediately to do my family's bidding. Whatever the matter, the heavy abusive words hanging over my head, the deep sadness in my heart, I think I'm going to go lock myself in my room now, listen to some Boys, and try to write my talk. Maybe then they'll all leave me alone, and I can think clearly and be happy with the simple fact that I saw something I haven't seen in months: AJ smile. And that means something to me, no matter how stupid you think I am, no matter what names you want to call me.
I can see that you've been crying
You can't hide it with a lie
What's the use in you denying
that what you have is wrong?
I've missed this song so much. *shudders*
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I'm on a big downer myself right now. Want to hide in a closet and not wonder who likes me, who hates me, who's annoyed my me, etc. Want to disappear, really.
Guess we'll just hafta hope it passes soon.
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*nods*
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I'm happy he's happy. I want you to be happy, too. *worries*
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And yes, I'm happy he's happy too. It makes me undescribably joyous.
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Ok, actually not, but humor me here.You do have friends if you need to vent, 'k?
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Thanks. :)
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