ladyoflorien | *sigh*

Well, I've discovered that I am getting better at hiding my emotions. Most of the people who know me personally know that I tend to cry at everything, because I've more than likely broken down in front of them before. This irritates me a LOT because, up until this started about 3 years ago, I was a total brute tom-boy who never cried at anything, who never got hurt by anyone, who was just above the whole emotions thing. And since I've started crying at EVERYTHING, it doesn't even have to merit tears (for instance, when I talk about something happy or that makes me mad or sad or ANYTHING I cry), and I never asked to get this emotional, it makes me VERY angry. Because I just want to be made of stone again, I don't want to break down at the drop of a hat.

It's easier now to hide the tears in my voice when I talk to people on the phone or on-line via microphone now. It's still tough in person because no matter how hard I try I can't control when and where I will cry or hold the tears back. But at least now I'm not a TOTAL mess like I was.

I just wish that SHE would STOP DOING THIS TO ME, and TO HERSELF and get her DAMN LIFE IN ORDER instead of sucking all the joy out of mine. Why does she THINK I want to move away? Because I can't STAND to be around her and watch her KILL HERSELF like she is. And she KNOWS IT, and she doesn't DO ANYTHING about it. I'm beginning to think about taking drastic actions. I don't know. I just want this to STOP before I lose my frelling mind. I can't stand this endless sorrow any longer.

Anyways, I'm going to go down the stairs and finish cooking dinner since I'm the only competent person here at the moment, then I'm going to do something to vent my anger and calm me down so I don't feel so frelling mad anymore. And I'll be okay, until SHE starts this whole thing over again tomorrow.

RAG!

Luv, Gabby

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