Gabby (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ladyoflorien) wrote2004-01-05 12:35 am
ladyoflorien) wrote2004-01-05 12:35 am
GRRRRR!
I have had one crappy-assed day. *rubs temples* After my last post not only did yahoo crash and cause a lot of unneeded stress, but I went upstairs to record Farscape only to discover that Scifi channel CHANGED THE TIME WITHOUT WARNING ***AGAIN*** (this is why I always check the official site FREQUENTLY, 'cause you never know what the heck that blasted channel is going to do). So instead of Farscape coming on at midnight, it came on at ELEVEN and I MISSED IT!!! GAH!!! I will NEVER get all the complete episodes on tape at this rate. *SIGH*
Those are just the mild frustrations, though. I've really just been in a foul mood all day, and did NOT need a bunch of little things to go wrong. Meeting today was MISERABLE. I couldn't breathe. I was afraid to move. And several times I had to force myself not to cry. It was like I was back in East Concord again, and I NEVER wanted to feel like I did there again. *SIGH* It was miserable, absolutely miserable. And it's nobody's fault but my own. I hate the fact that I'm so alone up here.
So here I am, wallowing in my misery. Ain't it attractive? I hate me. I hate doing this. But I need to VENT. I'm sick of not having anybody local to talk to. My closest REAL friend lives in New Jersey. And that sucks, it really truly does. I don't think anybody understands how it feels to be really truly alone. I am truly alone. And I've tried to get over it and overcome it and befriend a bunch of the young girls I know, but I've discovered something: I HATE being the oldest in a group. And no matter where I am that's always what it appears to be. Older girls wont have anything to do with me. Boys don't take up with me because of all the STUPID FREAKING RULES HERE IN THE NORTH EAST (long story, don't ask). So I get stuck with these young girls which, don't get me wrong, isn't a PROBLEM. Some of them are genuinely awesome people with great personalities. But when it comes down to it, they're still girls, and they're still teenagers. Stupid arrogant teenies. And I love them, but they give me a HEADACHE.
Earlier today I got to get dumped on about this COMPLETELY IDIOTIC FIGHT between a 17-year-old and a 15-year-old friend. And it was just the DUMBEST THING EVER. Not only do I not understand girls at ALL (growing up a tom boy really has its disadvantages sometimes), but I just don't get why they're fighting over something so trivial. So I calmly offered my help and advice. The 15 yr old took it, the 17 yr old (who is the most immature person I've ever met, period) scornfully rolled her eyes at me and it went in one ear and out the other, as always. Not that it matters. It's not MY problem, but I hate to see these girls go through all this COMPLETELY AVOIDABLE heartache and turmoil. But what can I do. That's not really the matter at hand.
I'm just sick of not having anyone to relate to. Anyone my AGE. Anyone who likes the same things I do. And the past few days it's hit me REALLY hard. Because I am completely alone up here. And I'm losing my soul.
Damn me and the fact that I'm so damned dependant on other people. What I wouldn't give to be aloof and independent. But hell no. I have to be eaten up inside by loneliness. Screw it. I don't know what to do.
/rant.
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I know how you feel. Rîn, le garo meleth nín gwanunig nín.
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*hugs*
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That is definatly not easy. I did have a year of being completely alone, with not a single even half-real friend. Which was a year of constant depression. Stupid sophomore year. I was a walking stormcloud every day. I seriously didn't have one happy moment that entire.. damn.. year.
It sucks, because you're the coolest cat I know. But unfortunatly it's hard to find people who really appreciate our unique kind of personalities. Our frankly ALOT MORE INTERESTING than most boring people's personalities. Luckily, I have found more people like me, or at least enough like me to appreciate me at the school I've been going to the past year and a half. Only reason I've turned back into a half-decent person again.
*hugs* Sometimes it's easy to hang out by yourself, sometimes it's not. But we (of the online community) love ya. If only we lived closer... :)
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Actually, it's rare for me to say anything good... anything remotely NOT stupid.. :-P
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Look, it's me in your icon! I'm so pretty! Awww.
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And look! It's your home! It's so pretty too!
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Keyboard monster stole my 'r'. :(
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