Gabby (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ladyoflorien) wrote2002-06-08 10:37 pm
ladyoflorien) wrote2002-06-08 10:37 pm
Okay... *breathe in... and out... and in...*
Today was a lot better than yesterday. One of the three afore mentioned friends came over and we had a good day. I'm still hurt and I don't expect that will subside anytime soon, but at least I feel better and more confident in this one friendship. I'm glad he made the effort and showed up.
You know, I've been getting people asking in depth questions about me a lot lately. People that read these entries and wonder what makes me tick and what I'm thinking and feeling, wanting me to confide in them and share a bit of my world with them. To their concern I give my heartfelt thanks, but I'm afraid I can't really answer their questions. How can I explain to them something I barely understand myself? There are no words for me to speak and even if there were I wouldn't know how to say them. I'm so used to being alone that it's not familiar to me to describe myself or talk to people about my feelings. I simply don't know how. I can't expect I ever will. In my darkest hours I speak through art and song; I write, I compose, I paint or sketch, sometimes I just sit and sing. That's how I express myself. It's the only way I know how. So for everyone who has cared, here it is, as plain as I can make it.
This is my song. The artist is Lifehouse and the name of the song is "Simon." If you ever wish to know anything about me then listen to this song and read the lyrics I'm about to paste here for you. This is the most comprehensive look at my soul and my life you'll probably ever get, and I'm not sure if you'll ever get anything like this again. So pay attention to every word you read, because in every syllable and every melancholy stroke of the guitar there is a secret to me waiting to unfold. This is my life.
"Simon" - Lifehouse
Catch your breath, hit the wall
Scream out loud, as you start to crawl
Back in your cage, the only place
Where they will leave you alone
'Cause the weak will seek the weaker 'till they've broken them
Could you get it back again?
Would it be the same?
Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
Left you with no defense
They tore it down
And I have felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
Locked inside, the only place
Where you feel sheltered, where you feel safe
You lost yourself, in your search to find
Something else to hide behind
'Cause the fearful always prayed upon your confidence
Didn't they see the consequence?
They pushed you around
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
Breaking them 'till they've become
Just another crown
And I have felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
Refuse to feel anything at all
Refuse to slip, refuse to fall
You can't be weak, You can't stand still
Watch your back, 'cause no one will
You don't know why they had to go this far
Traded your worth for these scars
For your only company
Don't believe the lies that they have told to you
Yeah not one word was true
You're all right, you're all right, you're all right...
And I have felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
Felt the same...
Felt the same...
Felt the same...
As you, I've felt the same...
So there it is. Don't think all of it is illustration and some mystery you have to find the real truth behind--some of it is very straight-forward and blunt. If you can discern which is which then I applaud you. Perhaps at some point in the future I'll find the courage to take it apart and explain each verse, but for now I don't think I can pull myself apart like that, especially when I'm so fragile. So for now I leave it up to you.
*sigh* Okay. That being said, I can breathe and say yeah, I'm better today. :) I cooked a great dinner (humble, eh? lol), everyone had fun (I hope), and now the kitchen is clean and everyone has returned home to relax. It was a fun day. Nice weather, good conversation, nice company. I'm really REALLY glad my friend came and I really hope he had a nice time. Otherwise I may hurt myself. I kid, I kid.
All right, eh, I'm gonna go. Love ya'll. G'night.
Luv, Gabby
You know, I've been getting people asking in depth questions about me a lot lately. People that read these entries and wonder what makes me tick and what I'm thinking and feeling, wanting me to confide in them and share a bit of my world with them. To their concern I give my heartfelt thanks, but I'm afraid I can't really answer their questions. How can I explain to them something I barely understand myself? There are no words for me to speak and even if there were I wouldn't know how to say them. I'm so used to being alone that it's not familiar to me to describe myself or talk to people about my feelings. I simply don't know how. I can't expect I ever will. In my darkest hours I speak through art and song; I write, I compose, I paint or sketch, sometimes I just sit and sing. That's how I express myself. It's the only way I know how. So for everyone who has cared, here it is, as plain as I can make it.
This is my song. The artist is Lifehouse and the name of the song is "Simon." If you ever wish to know anything about me then listen to this song and read the lyrics I'm about to paste here for you. This is the most comprehensive look at my soul and my life you'll probably ever get, and I'm not sure if you'll ever get anything like this again. So pay attention to every word you read, because in every syllable and every melancholy stroke of the guitar there is a secret to me waiting to unfold. This is my life.
"Simon" - Lifehouse
Catch your breath, hit the wall
Scream out loud, as you start to crawl
Back in your cage, the only place
Where they will leave you alone
'Cause the weak will seek the weaker 'till they've broken them
Could you get it back again?
Would it be the same?
Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
Left you with no defense
They tore it down
And I have felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
Locked inside, the only place
Where you feel sheltered, where you feel safe
You lost yourself, in your search to find
Something else to hide behind
'Cause the fearful always prayed upon your confidence
Didn't they see the consequence?
They pushed you around
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
Breaking them 'till they've become
Just another crown
And I have felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
Refuse to feel anything at all
Refuse to slip, refuse to fall
You can't be weak, You can't stand still
Watch your back, 'cause no one will
You don't know why they had to go this far
Traded your worth for these scars
For your only company
Don't believe the lies that they have told to you
Yeah not one word was true
You're all right, you're all right, you're all right...
And I have felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
Felt the same...
Felt the same...
Felt the same...
As you, I've felt the same...
So there it is. Don't think all of it is illustration and some mystery you have to find the real truth behind--some of it is very straight-forward and blunt. If you can discern which is which then I applaud you. Perhaps at some point in the future I'll find the courage to take it apart and explain each verse, but for now I don't think I can pull myself apart like that, especially when I'm so fragile. So for now I leave it up to you.
*sigh* Okay. That being said, I can breathe and say yeah, I'm better today. :) I cooked a great dinner (humble, eh? lol), everyone had fun (I hope), and now the kitchen is clean and everyone has returned home to relax. It was a fun day. Nice weather, good conversation, nice company. I'm really REALLY glad my friend came and I really hope he had a nice time. Otherwise I may hurt myself. I kid, I kid.
All right, eh, I'm gonna go. Love ya'll. G'night.
Luv, Gabby