Well, as if things weren't bad enough.

[ladyoflorien]

me: damn it
bria: what's wrong?
me: this is NOT GOOD
bria: /:)
me: my e-mail account, the primary one for my website, where I store all my form results and e-mails from readers and EVERYTHING for my website?
me: hotmail deactivated it
bria: :O
bria: not good
me: everything's gone
me: every. thing.
me: stories I hadn't yet updated
me: conclusions to stories I hosted forever ago that I'm no longer in contact with the writers
me: form results
me: website stuff
me: it's all gone
me: because I went 30 freaking days without checking my mail
bria: awwwwww
me: This is stuff I can never get back
me: I can NEVER retrieve any of it.

And that little voice in the back of my head is singsonging again, "Well YOU'RE a fucking idiot. Moron." Why don't I just give up? Why don't I give the hell up? I'm clinging to something that I'm never going to be able to hold on to. Why can't I freaking tell myself it's over?