"Fool! Look to thy heart and write!"

[ladyoflorien]

I am so frustrated. Filled with pent up emotion. It's because I need to write, I need to let loose with the whisperings of my heart, I need to let my fingers fly free. But every time they touch the plastic keys of the keyboard, or entwine themselves around pencil or pen, I feel utterly consumed. Empty and dead. And it's eating me from the inside out.

And I've been neglecting myself and my life and everything about and around me. I've been dying to write in my journal but have literally been keeping myself from it. Why? Why? I don't know, all I know is I'm about to tear into a thousand irredeemable pieces, and the thought gives me a sickening sense of relief.

I'm going to... what? Sit and stare at the flashing que in Word for a few hours? Pretend to work on my fanfics site? I don't know. I don't know. All I know is whatever it is it better be damn good to take away this internal despair, this empty pit.

I will never understand why
you'll never see what I see.
I am dead already.
I am color reborn.

Comments

[catharticfire.livejournal.com]

i dont think i've ever posted a comment in your journal before, but i figured now's a good time to start. everything you wrote here is all too familiar to me. i'm not going to say i know how you feel, cause i dont. but i can relate to all the stuff you said. very much so. we should talk sometime....