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ladyoflorien) wrote2005-04-05 05:33 pm
ladyoflorien) wrote2005-04-05 05:33 pm
Breathe the free air again, Theoden King...
I hate daylight savings time because I hate losing that extra hour of sleep. But I will forever love daylight savings time with all that I am for that one simple extra hour of daylight in the evening. There is no real way to describe how exhilarating it is to walk around outside at seven o'clock at night, breathing in cold air but getting away with a light jacket (or none at all), and looking up to see a blue and gold sky. It makes me want to spread my arms and dance in circles and softly sing to myself. Then again, I am a little bent, but ... I dunno. It's just happy. I can't wait for that one day deep in summer when I'll look outside at 9 o'clock at night and still see light. That's always the best night of the whole year, in my book.
I'm beginning to feel stupid for making that last post of mine public. I am so whiny sometimes. But I guess the best place for it is here, where few will read, instead of out in public or with my friends. I'm actually surprised to see that a few of you are still reading my journal. Sorry for the psycho-depressed babble. Sometimes I just need to talk to myself without actually talking to myself, and I do feel better now. There was just a lot of stuff going on in my life... *Sigh* A lot of stuff. I dunno.
So Thursday the 24th of March my boss(es) went on vacation, and since I provide respite care for their in-home special needs clientele, I'm basically "babysitting" for them while they're gone. I've been here, stuck in this house, since the night of the 24th with no breaks except for the meetings (save tonight, as I couldn't get anyone to relieve me) and the weekend, which someone covered for me thank the LORD. It hasn't been that bad, but a person can only clean up so much excrement before they start wanting to rip their hair out. And to make it worse, these people live on a farm. With dogs and chickens and stuff. Oi vey. So that's been a stress.
On top of that there's... family stuff. Sister's moving to Texas in a few days, which is sad. My parents are leaving for a week-long vacation this Friday, which means I'll have teh house to myself, but it also means I'm going to have to do more cooking and cleaning when I get home. Beh. Brother's anniversary was yesterday, and I couldn't be there for the party (sigh). Mild annoyances there.
And then theres... er... personal stuff. I was working up a pretty sizable crush on someone, and I just found out this week that they've started dating this girl that made my life miserable a few years ago. It's not so much the guy dating someone else that gets me, I'm used to disappointment in that area, as no one has ever shown interest in me. It's him dating this particular girl that has me really bothered. I thought he was a really good guy, with the right goals and a nice attitude. He just doesn't seem to fit with her. But maybe she's changed, or maybe he's not who I thought. I don't know. It's just a bummer nonetheless. In a spiritual sense, he was pretty perfect. So, sucks to be me. Guess I'll have to get... pretty, or something. I don't know. It shouldn't bother me yet, but for some reason it does. Just the thought that I'm going to be 21 in 19 days, and I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be by now. Granted, I wasn't thinking about marriage yet, but I was thinking about Gilead. Need a boy for that. *sigh* Stupid new rules.
And, in a stupid-teeny-bopper sense, it would have been nice for once for somebody to show some interest in me. I dunno. Stupid female hormones I guess. I'm just sick of the games people play. I want people to just come out and say what's on their mind, how they feel, instead of going through this whole rigamarole of "Maybe, maybe not..." *sigh* It's much more complicated than it has to be.
But enough of that. I'm driving myself insane here. I've got these two friends who are having problems between them, and I'm stuck in the middle. And they're asking me for advice and crap and I'm the one fixing things, but the thing is I don't know how. Well, I know how, I just don't think I should be the one to do it. I don't know one that well, why is he putting me in the middle? To get back at the other one, perhaps? I have no idea. I just don't think I can deal with it right now, as I'm dealing with my own stuff at the moment (not too well at that, might I add). They're not the only ones, either. My job is to take care of people who can't otherwise take care of themselves, and everyone I know is asking me to take care of them too. I can do it, usually, because I don't usually work this much. But it's just 24/7 and I'm getting no time to recoup. I'm not the energizer bunny. When I give of myself I need to be able to refill. No one does for me as I do for them, so that requires time by myself to heal myself. And I have no time. It's just a mess. And on top of that I'm not writing, so aside from the people I take care of and my friends, I've got these people in my head demanding things of me. AAAAHHHH!!! WHY CAN'T I WRITE? I *NEED* TO WRITE!! @$(@&#%(@&$%!#$*@!#$!@)#%&1!!!!!ONE!!!!!!!
*deep breaths* I'm just going to... crack eventually. And go a little crazy. And then everyone will hate and avoid me, thus providing me with the time I need to recoup myself, and the circle will start anew. Lovely, ain't it? Yeah, my life is grand. But it's the only one I've got. And I'm going to stop BLITHERING ON ABOUT ME NOW. I'm so freakin' whiny this week. *beats head*
There have been good things too. Really good, funny things. Invasion Iowa, for instance. BEST. FRICKIN. SHOW. I'VE EVER. SEEN. IN MY LIFE! I LOVE William Shatner SO MUCH. I really hope they release it on DVD, because I would so buy it. SO buy it. I hope some of you watched it and know what I'm talking about, because I swear. If it reruns, I'll record the episodes myself. And also there was this Saturday... no no, BEFORE the emotional breakdown. Before that I was in Mass with the Lajoies and Wright's and Em. I love those five so very much. For instance...
Elizabeth is 14. Gavin is 18. They're both in perfect health. Elizabeth decided to make a present for Gavin. SHE MADE A BRACELET WITH BABY BLUE PLASTIC BEADS THAT SAID "Find A Cure." AND SHE SENT IT WITH A CARD THAT SAID "Dear Gavin, I want you to know that I'm thinking of you during your fight against cancer..." FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I love that girl so. very. hard. Aaah, it was the funniest thing ever. And, to show how much Gavin knows me already, he cut out and gave me a picture of Danny Elfman from a 1987 Time magazine. !!!! I *heart* that boy so very much some times. I jumped up and down like a teeny bopper for a good full minute I was so happy. Yes, over a piece of paper. THAT is how geeky I am. Oh god. So very, very geeky. You know how you see those Star Trek fans, you know, the BAD kind (not the good kind, like me... heh), that sit at their desk and play DOOM all day with taped buddy holly glasses and terrible acne and braces and really bad taste in clothes, etc? And no boy wants to ever be like him because they know that poor child has no hope of ever, EVER, getting laid?
I AM that boy in female form. Oh god, I'm never getting laid. Er, married. Ever. There is truly no hope for me whatsoever, no one could love someone as geeky as I. *collapses to knees like The Shat-Man, palms to the sky* Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
(the fact that I just worked Invasion Iowa into my every day life is further proof of my point)
Anyway. Good times. We actually wandered around a lot more than usual that day. Emily's house Friday night, to the Lajoies Sat afternoon, then out for chinese buffet, then to the Wright's, then to the arcade (for DDR, of COURSE), then to an ice cream shoppe where we played Balderdash and met up with Josh, then to the park for potato-gunning (heh) and stick sword fighting and sling-shottin', then taco bell, back to the Lajoies, back to Em's, and home at last. Sheesh. And throw in Lauren's car breaking down, and you've got one crazy night.
"Hey, do either of you guys want to jump me?"--Lauren
o_O...--Me
But I'm tired of writing now, and I need to eat. Man in the Iron Mask, House, Judging Amy (HEEE) and then adultswim. If anyone is on-line, please keep me company as, as you can tell, that's not a very exciting line up for tonight.
I'm beginning to feel stupid for making that last post of mine public. I am so whiny sometimes. But I guess the best place for it is here, where few will read, instead of out in public or with my friends. I'm actually surprised to see that a few of you are still reading my journal. Sorry for the psycho-depressed babble. Sometimes I just need to talk to myself without actually talking to myself, and I do feel better now. There was just a lot of stuff going on in my life... *Sigh* A lot of stuff. I dunno.
So Thursday the 24th of March my boss(es) went on vacation, and since I provide respite care for their in-home special needs clientele, I'm basically "babysitting" for them while they're gone. I've been here, stuck in this house, since the night of the 24th with no breaks except for the meetings (save tonight, as I couldn't get anyone to relieve me) and the weekend, which someone covered for me thank the LORD. It hasn't been that bad, but a person can only clean up so much excrement before they start wanting to rip their hair out. And to make it worse, these people live on a farm. With dogs and chickens and stuff. Oi vey. So that's been a stress.
On top of that there's... family stuff. Sister's moving to Texas in a few days, which is sad. My parents are leaving for a week-long vacation this Friday, which means I'll have teh house to myself, but it also means I'm going to have to do more cooking and cleaning when I get home. Beh. Brother's anniversary was yesterday, and I couldn't be there for the party (sigh). Mild annoyances there.
And then theres... er... personal stuff. I was working up a pretty sizable crush on someone, and I just found out this week that they've started dating this girl that made my life miserable a few years ago. It's not so much the guy dating someone else that gets me, I'm used to disappointment in that area, as no one has ever shown interest in me. It's him dating this particular girl that has me really bothered. I thought he was a really good guy, with the right goals and a nice attitude. He just doesn't seem to fit with her. But maybe she's changed, or maybe he's not who I thought. I don't know. It's just a bummer nonetheless. In a spiritual sense, he was pretty perfect. So, sucks to be me. Guess I'll have to get... pretty, or something. I don't know. It shouldn't bother me yet, but for some reason it does. Just the thought that I'm going to be 21 in 19 days, and I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be by now. Granted, I wasn't thinking about marriage yet, but I was thinking about Gilead. Need a boy for that. *sigh* Stupid new rules.
And, in a stupid-teeny-bopper sense, it would have been nice for once for somebody to show some interest in me. I dunno. Stupid female hormones I guess. I'm just sick of the games people play. I want people to just come out and say what's on their mind, how they feel, instead of going through this whole rigamarole of "Maybe, maybe not..." *sigh* It's much more complicated than it has to be.
But enough of that. I'm driving myself insane here. I've got these two friends who are having problems between them, and I'm stuck in the middle. And they're asking me for advice and crap and I'm the one fixing things, but the thing is I don't know how. Well, I know how, I just don't think I should be the one to do it. I don't know one that well, why is he putting me in the middle? To get back at the other one, perhaps? I have no idea. I just don't think I can deal with it right now, as I'm dealing with my own stuff at the moment (not too well at that, might I add). They're not the only ones, either. My job is to take care of people who can't otherwise take care of themselves, and everyone I know is asking me to take care of them too. I can do it, usually, because I don't usually work this much. But it's just 24/7 and I'm getting no time to recoup. I'm not the energizer bunny. When I give of myself I need to be able to refill. No one does for me as I do for them, so that requires time by myself to heal myself. And I have no time. It's just a mess. And on top of that I'm not writing, so aside from the people I take care of and my friends, I've got these people in my head demanding things of me. AAAAHHHH!!! WHY CAN'T I WRITE? I *NEED* TO WRITE!! @$(@&#%(@&$%!#$*@!#$!@)#%&1!!!!!ONE!!!!!!!
*deep breaths* I'm just going to... crack eventually. And go a little crazy. And then everyone will hate and avoid me, thus providing me with the time I need to recoup myself, and the circle will start anew. Lovely, ain't it? Yeah, my life is grand. But it's the only one I've got. And I'm going to stop BLITHERING ON ABOUT ME NOW. I'm so freakin' whiny this week. *beats head*
There have been good things too. Really good, funny things. Invasion Iowa, for instance. BEST. FRICKIN. SHOW. I'VE EVER. SEEN. IN MY LIFE! I LOVE William Shatner SO MUCH. I really hope they release it on DVD, because I would so buy it. SO buy it. I hope some of you watched it and know what I'm talking about, because I swear. If it reruns, I'll record the episodes myself. And also there was this Saturday... no no, BEFORE the emotional breakdown. Before that I was in Mass with the Lajoies and Wright's and Em. I love those five so very much. For instance...
Elizabeth is 14. Gavin is 18. They're both in perfect health. Elizabeth decided to make a present for Gavin. SHE MADE A BRACELET WITH BABY BLUE PLASTIC BEADS THAT SAID "Find A Cure." AND SHE SENT IT WITH A CARD THAT SAID "Dear Gavin, I want you to know that I'm thinking of you during your fight against cancer..." FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I love that girl so. very. hard. Aaah, it was the funniest thing ever. And, to show how much Gavin knows me already, he cut out and gave me a picture of Danny Elfman from a 1987 Time magazine. !!!! I *heart* that boy so very much some times. I jumped up and down like a teeny bopper for a good full minute I was so happy. Yes, over a piece of paper. THAT is how geeky I am. Oh god. So very, very geeky. You know how you see those Star Trek fans, you know, the BAD kind (not the good kind, like me... heh), that sit at their desk and play DOOM all day with taped buddy holly glasses and terrible acne and braces and really bad taste in clothes, etc? And no boy wants to ever be like him because they know that poor child has no hope of ever, EVER, getting laid?
I AM that boy in female form. Oh god, I'm never getting laid. Er, married. Ever. There is truly no hope for me whatsoever, no one could love someone as geeky as I. *collapses to knees like The Shat-Man, palms to the sky* Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
(the fact that I just worked Invasion Iowa into my every day life is further proof of my point)
Anyway. Good times. We actually wandered around a lot more than usual that day. Emily's house Friday night, to the Lajoies Sat afternoon, then out for chinese buffet, then to the Wright's, then to the arcade (for DDR, of COURSE), then to an ice cream shoppe where we played Balderdash and met up with Josh, then to the park for potato-gunning (heh) and stick sword fighting and sling-shottin', then taco bell, back to the Lajoies, back to Em's, and home at last. Sheesh. And throw in Lauren's car breaking down, and you've got one crazy night.
"Hey, do either of you guys want to jump me?"--Lauren
o_O...--Me
But I'm tired of writing now, and I need to eat. Man in the Iron Mask, House, Judging Amy (HEEE) and then adultswim. If anyone is on-line, please keep me company as, as you can tell, that's not a very exciting line up for tonight.
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Dude, you so sound like me! You should have been on Spring Break with us, a bunch of geeks in the most beautiful hosue EVER and two of us sat and watched all the SW movies all week and debated on important issues.
Seriouslly gwanunig nín, if you ever want to vent / ramble or whatever feel free to tag me down. I don't know about you, but I always find it wasier to talk to internet friends than real friends. Any time, if you don't see me on AIM, look me up on yahoo and if you don't see me on there, leave an away message I'll get it soon or I'll respond because I'm invisible. Im meleth le.
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Im meleth le, mellon nin. Hannon le.
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...I need a SW icon.
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I need to upload my C3PO icon. It's wonderful and it says "Oh, Switch off!" on it. Heeee.
OH OH OH! I SAW AN AWESOME SW ICON THAT INVOLVED DEATH TO TEENY BOPPERS DURING THIS MOVIE!!! IT WAS SO WONDERFUL! I should find it for you.
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Fwahahaha! Perhaps if you took some lessons from Zaphod Beeblebrox? =D =D LORD I'm funny. ;)
I would love to come SW it up with you hun, but I highly doubt that will be happening. Dragon Con is still an option, though. I just have to see how far in debt I am first. ;)