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ladyoflorien) wrote2002-08-20 05:07 pm
ladyoflorien) wrote2002-08-20 05:07 pm
Heh.
Got this from a friend. While extremely miffed over it's suggestive looseness of my dear Pippin, found it amusing none the less. Especially days 20 and 22.
Enjoy!
DAY ONE: Got in trouble for setting off fireworks at
party. Suspect Gandalf not actually all that annoyed
and was merely excuse to get us young hobbit boys wet
and lathered up. Became even more suspicious when
"washing dishes" punishment followed by "polishing
Gandalf's staff" punishment and "massaging Gandalf's
feet" punishment and "nude leapfrog in the cabbage
patch" punishment, I mean, who's he trying to kid,
really? Especially with the foot thing.
DAY TWO: V. promising start to day when discovered
carrot that was just right shape. Even more promising
when Pippin nabbed six cabbages, two bags potatoes,
and three ears corn, although cannot help but think
Pippin being slightly over-optimistic. I mean, could
probably manage two ears corn, but not before
breakfast.
All went downhill though when bumped into Frodo and
faithful bit of rough trade, whoops, loyal manservant
Sam, in cornfield. Pippin was prevented from extended
cuddle with Frodo by Sam, who in v. surprising butch
moment tossed Pippin down a cliff. In ensuing scuffle
carrot was broken. Am v. sad.
DAY THREE: Cutting across country with Frodo, Sam and
Pippin. Are being pursued by overdressed and v. crabby
set of riders in outdated black ensembles. As told
Gandalf "The Gray" earlier, monochromatic look is so
out. Wonder if Frodo avoiding bad breakup or jealous
exes? Have heard hobbit-swapping all the rage up in
Hobbiton currently, although would not go in for that
sort of thing myself.
DAY FIVE: Everything going from bad to worse. Stop-off
in Bree resulted in pick-up of disaffected and
unshaven human who is obviously pervy hobbit-fancier,
not that anyone listens to me. Insisted we all share
bed in his room instead of going back to own perfectly
nice quarters, then hung about all night most likely
hoping for mad hobbit foursome under the sheets.
Didn't happen, but did have to spend all night hanging
on to Pippin's belt to prevent him from climbing right
over Sam and onto Frodo. Does Pippin have death wish,
or what?
DAY SIX: Was woken up most unpleasantly as was being
tickled by hobbit-fancying human. Told him to sod off
and he said "That's not what you said last night."
After moment of confusion realized he thought I was
Pippin. Explained. Human slunk away, most embarrassed,
after explaining, "I'm really meant to be King, you
know." Sure he is, and I'm the Elf Queen of Mirkwood.
DAY SEVEN: In Rivendell. Have been stuck sleeping
right next to bathroom. Splashing noises all night
long and strawberry soap suds making floors all
slippery. Woke up last night only to discover Elrond
had crawled into bed with me. Extricated himself with
much embarrassment after realizing hobbit he was
groping under bedsheets was not Pippin. Have decided
to invest in name tag.
DAY NINE: Have fixed carrot with special elf glue. Go
me!
DAY ELEVEN: Have agreed to go on Quest to keep eye on
Pippin. Also curious to see what will happen with
Frodo, as Aragorn most obviously fancies him. Sam will
of course kill him if he tries anything.
Hope he tries something.
DAY FIFTEEN: Boromir teaching us how to swordfight.
Typical human, most unsubtle, always dropping sword
down trousers and asking us "little ones" to come and
get it. Boromir had a go at ruffling Frodo's hair
today and Aragorn almost snicked off his head. Humans
so amusing. Caught Pippin eyeing the elf doing his
morning exercises today but managed to distract him
with an eggplant. Do not know what will do when run
out of vegetables.
DAY SIXTEEN: Boromir asked me to go for walk with him.
Am not falling for old 'Horn of Gondor' trick. Am not.
Am not. Oh, bloody hell. Just this once.
DAY NINETEEN: Am in bad mood. Boromir called me
"Pippin" at most inopportune time. Pointed out to him
that I am Merry and that we have been conducting
meaningful relationship for three weeks, but he just
laughed and patted my head. Realize he actually cannot
tell me apart from Pippin either. Am doomed to be
Indistinguishable Backup Hobbit forever, even in
matters of romance. Am considering dramatic haircut,
perhaps mohawk of some sort.
DAY TWENTY: Got mohawk but no one can see it as is v.
dark in Mines of Moria. Is difficult to keep eye on
Pippin properly. Woke up to discover Legolas sneaking
under covers with me. Told him was not Pippin. Legolas
said, "Not much difference really, eh?" In ensuing
scuffle broke my carrot again. Gave to Gandalf to fix.
Gandalf said, "Fool of a Took! I have better things to
do than mend your vegetables." Did not correct Gandalf, as am afraid of pointy hat.
DAY TWENTY-TWO: Gandalf fell into shadow. Took carrot
with him. Am most miffed. Did best to comfort Pippin,
but Pippin far more cheered by Legolas' nude rendition
of Silmarillion: The Musical. Could not watch myself –
far too many high kicks.
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT: In Lothlorien. Was visited by no
less than fifty elves and a woodchuck last night, all
convinced was Pippin. Pippin of course nowhere to be
found, probably off with Boromir. Something must be
done. Woodchuck awfully persistent. Perhaps....no,
certainly not.
DAY THIRTY: Kidnapped by orcs. All according to plan.
Have told Pippin will have to shag our way out of
captivity. Pippin seeming pleased. Wait till he
realizes I meant he will have to shag me to get out of
captivity. In addition, orcs have given me brand new
carrot as reward for my having painted large yellow
target marks on Boromir while he was not looking. All
in all a v. good day.
Enjoy!
DAY ONE: Got in trouble for setting off fireworks at
party. Suspect Gandalf not actually all that annoyed
and was merely excuse to get us young hobbit boys wet
and lathered up. Became even more suspicious when
"washing dishes" punishment followed by "polishing
Gandalf's staff" punishment and "massaging Gandalf's
feet" punishment and "nude leapfrog in the cabbage
patch" punishment, I mean, who's he trying to kid,
really? Especially with the foot thing.
DAY TWO: V. promising start to day when discovered
carrot that was just right shape. Even more promising
when Pippin nabbed six cabbages, two bags potatoes,
and three ears corn, although cannot help but think
Pippin being slightly over-optimistic. I mean, could
probably manage two ears corn, but not before
breakfast.
All went downhill though when bumped into Frodo and
faithful bit of rough trade, whoops, loyal manservant
Sam, in cornfield. Pippin was prevented from extended
cuddle with Frodo by Sam, who in v. surprising butch
moment tossed Pippin down a cliff. In ensuing scuffle
carrot was broken. Am v. sad.
DAY THREE: Cutting across country with Frodo, Sam and
Pippin. Are being pursued by overdressed and v. crabby
set of riders in outdated black ensembles. As told
Gandalf "The Gray" earlier, monochromatic look is so
out. Wonder if Frodo avoiding bad breakup or jealous
exes? Have heard hobbit-swapping all the rage up in
Hobbiton currently, although would not go in for that
sort of thing myself.
DAY FIVE: Everything going from bad to worse. Stop-off
in Bree resulted in pick-up of disaffected and
unshaven human who is obviously pervy hobbit-fancier,
not that anyone listens to me. Insisted we all share
bed in his room instead of going back to own perfectly
nice quarters, then hung about all night most likely
hoping for mad hobbit foursome under the sheets.
Didn't happen, but did have to spend all night hanging
on to Pippin's belt to prevent him from climbing right
over Sam and onto Frodo. Does Pippin have death wish,
or what?
DAY SIX: Was woken up most unpleasantly as was being
tickled by hobbit-fancying human. Told him to sod off
and he said "That's not what you said last night."
After moment of confusion realized he thought I was
Pippin. Explained. Human slunk away, most embarrassed,
after explaining, "I'm really meant to be King, you
know." Sure he is, and I'm the Elf Queen of Mirkwood.
DAY SEVEN: In Rivendell. Have been stuck sleeping
right next to bathroom. Splashing noises all night
long and strawberry soap suds making floors all
slippery. Woke up last night only to discover Elrond
had crawled into bed with me. Extricated himself with
much embarrassment after realizing hobbit he was
groping under bedsheets was not Pippin. Have decided
to invest in name tag.
DAY NINE: Have fixed carrot with special elf glue. Go
me!
DAY ELEVEN: Have agreed to go on Quest to keep eye on
Pippin. Also curious to see what will happen with
Frodo, as Aragorn most obviously fancies him. Sam will
of course kill him if he tries anything.
Hope he tries something.
DAY FIFTEEN: Boromir teaching us how to swordfight.
Typical human, most unsubtle, always dropping sword
down trousers and asking us "little ones" to come and
get it. Boromir had a go at ruffling Frodo's hair
today and Aragorn almost snicked off his head. Humans
so amusing. Caught Pippin eyeing the elf doing his
morning exercises today but managed to distract him
with an eggplant. Do not know what will do when run
out of vegetables.
DAY SIXTEEN: Boromir asked me to go for walk with him.
Am not falling for old 'Horn of Gondor' trick. Am not.
Am not. Oh, bloody hell. Just this once.
DAY NINETEEN: Am in bad mood. Boromir called me
"Pippin" at most inopportune time. Pointed out to him
that I am Merry and that we have been conducting
meaningful relationship for three weeks, but he just
laughed and patted my head. Realize he actually cannot
tell me apart from Pippin either. Am doomed to be
Indistinguishable Backup Hobbit forever, even in
matters of romance. Am considering dramatic haircut,
perhaps mohawk of some sort.
DAY TWENTY: Got mohawk but no one can see it as is v.
dark in Mines of Moria. Is difficult to keep eye on
Pippin properly. Woke up to discover Legolas sneaking
under covers with me. Told him was not Pippin. Legolas
said, "Not much difference really, eh?" In ensuing
scuffle broke my carrot again. Gave to Gandalf to fix.
Gandalf said, "Fool of a Took! I have better things to
do than mend your vegetables." Did not correct Gandalf, as am afraid of pointy hat.
DAY TWENTY-TWO: Gandalf fell into shadow. Took carrot
with him. Am most miffed. Did best to comfort Pippin,
but Pippin far more cheered by Legolas' nude rendition
of Silmarillion: The Musical. Could not watch myself –
far too many high kicks.
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT: In Lothlorien. Was visited by no
less than fifty elves and a woodchuck last night, all
convinced was Pippin. Pippin of course nowhere to be
found, probably off with Boromir. Something must be
done. Woodchuck awfully persistent. Perhaps....no,
certainly not.
DAY THIRTY: Kidnapped by orcs. All according to plan.
Have told Pippin will have to shag our way out of
captivity. Pippin seeming pleased. Wait till he
realizes I meant he will have to shag me to get out of
captivity. In addition, orcs have given me brand new
carrot as reward for my having painted large yellow
target marks on Boromir while he was not looking. All
in all a v. good day.