ladyoflorien | (no subject)

My life likes to screw with my head. Every time I have a really good day, or a really good couple of days, it has to IMMEDIATELY follow it up with the worst possible day any one person can have. Just so I remember my place. Don't get too confident, Gabby. Don't get too happy, Gabby. Remember, you're just the little witch that couldn't. The only reason you're here is because no one has the guts to shoot you and put you out of your misery. So don't think you're worth anything, Gabby. 'Cause you're not. I'm just here to remind you of that.

I should have NEVER gotten back on the computer. I should have stayed AWAY and let myself brood. Hey, I found Bruce Willis on TV. I was absolutely fine watching him and forgetting about my mess of a life. But no, someone (several people actually) said they'd come back on-line after a while and they wanted to do such-and-such a thing. So I dragged myself back on-line only to feel WORSE than I did before. Why do people, beings that have the capacity to love intensely and beyond any other creature, have to be so CRUEL and VICIOUS?

I am not ever letting myself feel good again, because every time I do I get shot right back down. Don't forget who you are, Gabby. We can't let you win a few rounds. No, you most certainly can't. Not like I deserved any of it in the first place.

Tomorrow I'm buying tissues because my nose is throbbing in pain from this stupid toilet paper. I haven't cried this hard since.......

I'm not bringing that back up now. I'm just going to go retreat into myself and hopefully everything will forget I ever existed.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm sorry everything is so miserable. It will get better. And if you need someone to vent to, I'll listen. When I have a bad day, I dig out my favorite piece of fiction and loose myself in their world. May the force be with you! Later!

Thanks. I appreciate the gesture. But I think I'm just gonna lay low for a couple days. At least until I'm not sick anymore and things don't affect my health so much.

When I have a bad day, I dig out my favorite piece of fiction and loose myself in their world.

Yeah, me too. Usually though I can't help but pick up the pen myself. That's how stories like "The Scream" (I sent it to ML a few months ago) and "Ice In January" (http://www.angelfire.com/mn/bmillennium/fanfic/iij.html) came into being. Maybe some beautiful piece of work will come out of this as well. *shrug*

When you are feeling down just think of this picture of my true love Mango. OH MANGO, OH MANGO!!!!!!MANGO WILL MAKE IT ALL BETTER NOW.......(Mango twinkle fingers) Now you are happy and feel warm and fuzzy all over. Must have Mango love.

try not to take things so personal, If people are jerks thats there glitch. I heard about the Party thing,(Jer told me) I can only hope to goodness that is not what got you so bummed. Its not your battle, it's not your problem, it has nothing to do with you. The folks involved are petty, foolish people if they think they know better then the counsel we receive on cultivating friendships of all ages. DORKS!

Like the icon BTW. I need new ones. I think I will make a few today, I'm board but house bound due to the fact that your oldest nephew had 4 teeth pulled today. OUCH! He did great and has not made one complaint. You never would know he had oral surgery at all. Still he has to take it easy so they can clot and heal over. EEEEWWW CLOT what a word! ok, ok, I'm outa here, have to retrieve the wee-one form school. Have a most excellent day :)

I understand how you feel, and I do think that things will get better sooner or later. ::hugs a million times:: I miss your presense on my friends list! Come online AT LEAST once a month, to check eMail and let us know your still alive, and then hopefully nothing bad happens so your'e all nice and happy like you should be ^-^

But.. anyway..
What's UP? what have you been doing lately? It's been 20+ days. ;.;

Thanks for the gesture. It does not go by unnoticed. I appreciate your concern and sympathies. I think the battle, mostly, is in my own head and in my own heart. Which means things cannot get better unless my mind works itself over. And I've lived in it long enough to know what things govern it, and what loyalties and strengths it has. Unfortunately, things don't look bright and happy for me. It's just not who I am; who I've been taught to be.

But.. anyway..
What's UP? what have you been doing lately? It's been 20+ days. ;.;

I've been here. Private journal entries. Personal e-mail replies. Invisible mode on IM. Sometimes I need to step away from people before I burn them. The last week, though, my internet went away on me.